Volume 20 Page 13
Okay, so: I am driving to Texas, from Massachusetts, to visit my girlfriend’s family. The good news is that I work 1-2 weeks ahead precisely for situations like this, so I shouldn’t miss too many updates. The bad news is that WordPress’ update-scheduling mechanism is jankier than a Flash-enabled Website circa 2003, so while I’m going to get my pages set up, I’m not sure they’ll show up. I’ll try to keep an eye on things and patch the site as I travel, but since I won’t have Photoshop…well, let’s hope I didn’t make any continuity errors!
Wish me luck in Texas. Oh, and in the places between Georgia and Texas! With my winning combination of Falling Down glasses, double-breasted cardigan, Royal Crown-slicked hair, and black shiny FBI shoes, I’m sure I’ll blend right in.
Sweet, a duet. Things could get rocky.
Texas is a large neighborhood. Is your target nearer Amarillo, El Paso, Orange, Brownsville or Austin? (Driving Amarillo to Brownsville is 788 miles and from El Paso to Orange about 850. Austin passes for central-ish though it actually has kind of a southeastern bias and someplace like Brady or Zepher is probably closest to the mark.
Practically speaking, the odds are that you’re headed to the vicinity of one of the prominent pairs of citys: Dallas/Ft Worth, Houston/Galveston, Austin/San Antonio, Midland/Odessa, El Paso/Juarez, or Texarkana/Texarkana. If it happens to be College Station, wear what you want; you’ll be fine as long as you have a good collection of Aggie jokes.
Just remember that outside of the major metropolitan areas and speed traps, the real speed limit is 10 mph above the posted one. Try to avoid running over armadillo’s. Also watch out for the Dimebox to Flatonia road race and above all don’t ask for direction to the Eiffel Tower in Paris, Texas unless you’re good with a 65 ft tall replica with a cowboy hat on top. Us Texans are sophisticated that way.